Dear friends
I thank all of you for visiting the blog and special thanks to those who leave your valuable comments. We use computers and technology to free our minds from routine jobs. Now almost all of us carry smartphones. This makes communication instant.  Today's article is a discussion whether we are depending too much on technology?

Does Mankind depend on computers and technology too much?

Humankind has been using technology from times immemorial, and it has made man’s life easier through centuries. Technology has been used even from the use of stone & iron implements and tools to wheels for transportation. It has been the advent of computers that has raised man’s dependence on technology exponentially and has completely transformed his equation with it.

In all the fields like communication, data processing, transport, etc. most of the human activities are now controlled by computers. Though the necessities are being looked after by the smart networks, a whole new world of possibilities has opened up. The real-time computing and advanced Artificial Intelligence Systems take care of more complex tasks with more reliability. Several critical operations like controlling UAVs, Railway networks, electric grids, satellite movements, etc. are solely managed by computers with no human supervision.

Over-dependence on technology is evident in the fact that life would come to a standstill if such systems fail due to destruction by storms or war or any unexpected snags of their own merely due to their colossal size. An American movement for survival in emergencies by “Preppers” indicates a growing fear of the imminent collapse of modern society due to either natural disasters or human-made ones.

Over-reliance on technology at the individual level is also a problem faced these days. It becomes apparent when an average human being feels helpless when the internet is not working, or the cell phone is misplaced, that is when he is required to fend for himself. Even for basic needs kids prefer to order food, grocery or watch movies at home. Self-dependency has reduced.

 The use of technology is likely to increase in the future, but an awareness of the degree of dependency is essential. Governments must ensure foolproof backup systems or redundancy of data. Society must roll back to old ways of human interaction and encourage physical activity. Personally, the use of various gadgets should be lessened to fight the menace of addiction to technology and computers.

You can change your state

Have you been placed in situations due to repeated negative behaviour patterns that make you uncomfortable, or you are not able to say ‘NO’ or you feel relegated to a listener where you are not able to vent out your feelings and things you would like to tell? After the experience, you think that you will not put yourself in such a situation, but the negative pattern is repeated again and again.

It is not the other person’s behaviour but our state of mind that directs our thinking and actions, and we are no able to come out from such behaviour patterns.

Eric Berne put forth a theory to explain such behaviours, enrich your dealings with people, and your understanding of yourself.

 He named it Transactional Analysis or TA. According to TA irrespective of the age or biological condition of our bodies, each of us has three kinds of shifting mental stages called the ego states. They are the child, Parent and Adult ego states. TA has wide applications in clinical, therapeutic, organisational and personal development, encompassing communications, management, personality, relationships and behaviour. Whether you're in business, a parent, a social worker or interested in personal development, TA can help you.

TA says when two people encounter each other, one of them will speak to the other. This Berne called the Transaction Stimulus and the reaction from the other person Transaction Response. Transactional Analysis became the method of examining the transaction wherein: 'I do something to you, and you do something back'.

Berne also said that each person is made up of three alter ego states which are represented as circles:

·        Parent - our 'Taught' concept of life

·        Adult - our 'Thought' concept of life

·        Child - our 'Felt' concept of life

When we communicate, we are doing so from one of our own alter ego states, our Parent, Adult or Child. Our feelings at the time determine which one we use, and at any time something can trigger a shift from one state to another. When we respond, we are also doing this from one of the three states, and it is in the analysis of these stimuli and responses that the essence of Transactional Analysis lies.  It is called the PAC model.

Characteristics of the different ego states

Parent

The Parent state is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. It is conditioning by parents, teachers, older people, next-door neighbours, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters. Our Parent is made up of a considerable number of hidden and overt recorded playbacks. Typically embodied by phrases and attitudes starting with 'how-to', 'under no circumstances', 'always' and 'never forget', 'don't lie, cheat, steal', etc. Our parent evolves from external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. We can change it, but this is easier said than done. It is characterised by angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronising gestures. Such a person uses words like always, never, for once and for all, other judgmental words, critical words, patronising language, language full of arrogance.

Adult

Our 'Adult' is our ability to think and determine action for ourselves, based on received data. The adult in us begins to form when we are around ten months old and is the way by which we keep our Parent and Child under control. If we are to change our Parent or Child we must do so through our adult. Such a person is -attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened. In adult state one would use phrases like why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, conditional expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realise, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

 Child 

Our internal reaction and feelings to external events form the 'Child'. The child state is the seeing, hearing, feeling, and emotional body of data within each of us. When anger or despair dominates reason, the Child is in control. Like our Parent we can change it, but it is no easier.  Such a person would have emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behindhand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling. He will use baby talk, or phrases like I wish, I dunno, I want, I'm gonna, I don't care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, largest, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

Transactional Analysis developed significantly beyond these Berne's early theories, by Berne himself until his death in 1970, and since then by his followers and many current writers and experts. Significantly, the original three Parent- Adult- Child components were sub-divided to form a new seven-element model, principally during the 1980s by Wagner, Joines and Mountain. Controlling and Nurturing aspects of the Parent mode, each with positive and negative aspects, and the Adapted and Free aspects of the Child mode, again each with positive and negative elements emerged, which essentially gives us the model to which most TA practitioners refer today:

The parent is now commonly represented as a circle with four quadrants:

Nurturing - Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).

Controlling - Structuring (positive) and Critical (negative).

The Adult remains as a single entity, representing an 'accounting' function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.

The Child is now commonly represented as circle with four quadrants:

Adapted - Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).

Free - Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).

Examples of reactions from specific states

1          To a stimulus of new modern dress reaction from different states could be

Parent: “Oh god! What is it supposed to be?”

Adult: “That cost Rs 3000/-“

Child: “ Ooo, what a pretty colour! Is so hap!!”

2.         To a crash of Bollywood mix of an old classic:

Parent: “This horrible stuff children listen to today!”

Adult: “It’s hard for me to think when the music is playing so loud.”

Child: “That makes me want to dance.”

3.         To the smell of spinach:

Parent: “The spinach keeps the family healthy.”

Adult: “Spinach has high iron content.”

Child: “Nobody is going to make me eat that stinky, tasteless stuff.”

Communication can continue between two people as long as transactions are complementary and whenever a crossed transaction happens it may stop the conversation.

A complementary transaction occurs when a message, sent from a specific ego state, gets the predicted response from a particular state of ego. We can say it is appropriate and expected and follows the natural order of healthy human relationships. It can occur between any two-ego states.

For example:

The boss asks the Secretary:

“What time is it?”

Is addressing the adult ego state in the secretary from his adult state, who replies

“It is 12’O clock.”

And responds from an adult ego state as expected, this is a complementary transaction.

A crossed transaction occurs when an unexpected response is made to the stimulus.

So in the earlier example, if the response of the Secretary to the question “What time is it” is

“you’re always in such a hurry!”

Now, this is coming from Parent ego state addressing the child of the boss it becomes a crossed transaction. It is against the expected adult ego response.

An inappropriate ego state is activated. At this point, people tend to withdraw, turn away from each other, or switch the conversation in another direction.

Representation of a complementary transaction

Representation  of a crossed transaction

1.   Look at the following conversation between the Ramesh and  Shiela, when Shiela has come late for work:

Ramesh: “You are useless!”

Shiela: “I know, I am sorry”.

Ramesh who was in adult ego state on seeing Shiela shifted into a Parent ego state and spoke targeted at the Child of Shiela and Shiela upon hearing this moved from her Adult to her Child ego state and complied. It is a complementary transaction.

2.             Now, look at this conversation:

Ramesh: “You are useless!”

Shiela: “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”

She is responding from a Parent ego addressed to the child ego of Ramesh. It is a crossed transaction. There is instability in this transaction. After a cross transaction, either the communication breaks or the argument will grow up to a point where psychological stability reaches.

Let’s hear further:

Ramesh: “You are useless!”

Shiela: “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”

Ramesh: “You have missed the board meeting!”

Shiela: “I don’t care what I have done. You don’t talk to people like that.”

Ramesh: “But……”.

Shiela: “You bloody well apologise.”

Ramesh: “I..hm….”

Shiela: “I’m waiting.”

Ramesh: “I meant just that……..”

Shiela: “I said, I’m waiting.”

Ramesh: “Ok, I am sorry”.

Shiela: “I don’t think you mean that. I think I’ll report you for harassment”.

Ramesh: “OK, I am really very sorry”.

In the above exchange, what started as a crossed transaction has shown the shift of ego states. Initially Ramesh who was in his adult ego state on seeing Shiela shifted in his Parent.  However, Shiela did not respond to the expectation instead moved into the parent state from her adult. As she insisted on her parent ego state the transaction takes a turn and psychological stability is achieved when Ramesh is shifted from the parent into the Child ego state. [This may not give satisfaction to Ramesh, but on the subconscious level through some crossed transactions, the relationship has  reached an equilibrium.]

Transactional Analysis is a tool you can use to know yourself, to understand how you relate to others, and to discover the dramatic course your life is taking.  After analysing our transactions we need to develop our Adult ego state. Any transaction which is likely to become a crossed one is best handled through the Adult ego state. To enable you to develop your Adult ask yourself these questions:

·       What events and people trigger your Parent and Child States?

·       Do you assign responsibility for both the parties equally?

·       Do you have to be in control?

·       Do you feel forced into taking control?

·       Do you have a hard time making decisions and try to get others to take them for you?

·       Do you feel you’re not as good as others?

If your answers to any of these questions are “YES” then you need to work to change them into a “NO”!

The things that I have talked about is just the tip of the iceberg of Transactional Analysis. There are several other key concepts in TA that can help you make different areas of your life better. It talks about positive and negative strokes, life positions and a series of transactions that develop into games people play!!

Hi friends
we can all create abundance in our life in every field. I am presenting a small discussion on how to use Law of Attraction in everyday life.

Change using LOA

If you want to change your present situation, you can use the Law of Attraction to do so.  There are definite steps to elicit change, enjoy your life, and continue to do so.

The first step is to convey to the Universe what you want. The Universe needs to know the change that you desire. Is it better health, more wealth, success, happiness, or any object of your desire?   Abundance means different to different people.   Your definition of abundance will help you manifest the conditions and parameters that will allow you to become abundant. If you attract your version of abundance, your happiness will overflow. It will lead to more satisfaction in life, and you will feel a new confidence.

Remember that the Universe hears the contents of your mind, and it freely gives what you keep thinking about – whether you are intentionally thinking of something or not.  So the first step involves making your mind clear about what you want and not to think about what you do not wish to.  Change your thoughts to positive ones. For example, if you keep thinking with anxiety “I do not want to get late,” the message and the associated feelings conveyed to the universe are that “you want to get late,” and then such circumstances and events will be delivered by the universe to you.  Therefore, instead think with confidence that I will be in time, of course, supported by appropriate actions. 

From this point on, all your actions, emotions, and thoughts will be centered on attracting the abundance that your heart and mind desire. From now on, there will be no more negativity, but instead, there will be only a positive flow of abundance in whatever form you want. As you burn the image of abundance at the very core of your waking consciousness, you will feel renewed and powerful – you will also be at peace with yourself and those around you. Let yourself transmit the vibrant frequency that will tell the Universe that you want your desired abundance, in its highest form.

 For example, if you want a promotion and if you keep fearing or doubting that you may not get a promotion, the message that will be conveyed to the Universe is that you don’t want the development.  You should not think about the uncertainty or the petty politics playing around the chances of promotion.   Do not say I don’t like to remain not promoted.  Instead, say I would love to be promoted and am sure that it will happen soon. Alternatively, you should visualize that you have already got the promotion. Think from a position that you have already achieved your goals.

The second step is to be happy and not grim.  Be thankful for whatever you have right now.  Count your blessings.  Happiness is the main attractor of your desires and brings everything fast to you.  Give joy to others too. In the above example, do not think and then talk about how people conspire against you or victimize you because it creates negativity.  Even criticizing others or the boss at his back is going to create negativity in your own life.

Happiness is the cornerstone of all your efforts. If you choose to be abundant and happy, you will continue to attract happiness and abundance, and you will know when to act so that you will receive even more happiness in the end.

Desired outcomes should genuinely matter to you, not others. Because you can achieve abundance only if you truly become happy after you have attracted whatever desires and results that you have set for yourself.

Every positive thought or talk has to be backed by actions.  Take appropriate steps so that the Universe brings you your desire.  Just lying in bed and visualizing will not bring you results. It has to be backed by proper actions.  In the above example, make yourself very useful to the company.  Become noticeable to your bosses and seniors whose opinion matters regarding your promotion.  Show your worth and become visible.

Then you must enjoy whatever you already have.  Do not complain about what you do not have.  Whatever are your means, enjoy yourself.  Celebrate even the small achievements and do even the small-small things that make you feel better, like listening to music, watching movies, dancing, going on a vacation, and so on.  Do not wait for big things to happen.  Enjoy every moment, even the work that you are required to do.

It is necessary to remain happy and also deal with your internal conflicts so that you keep attracting abundance; they may be becoming a bottleneck in the manifestation of your desires.  Do not be affected by other people’s opinions as to what they think of your actions and your work. Use your internal guiding mechanism to lead you in life.

The important thing is that you keep creating goals, and you believe that you will get the outcomes. If you set a limitation for what you can achieve financially or spiritually just because you have a particular set of skills and talents now, you are telling the Universe that you do not deserve to supersede your material wealth now because you are limited.

Dear friends
Thank you for the overwhelming response through FB, WhatsApp and email. I request all of you to please comment on the blog also. Here I am with another article as below.

Forgive now

Forgiveness plays a vital role in manifesting your desires.  The instant reaction is that when in modern-day society if someone has done any wrong to you, he or she should be punished.  Even as children we have learned that good deeds are rewarded and bad ones are punished.  Then, why am I saying that we should forgive people?

It is essential to understand first as to what not forgiving others costs us.  As human beings, we are prone to make mistakes, either intentionally or unintentionally. We all have hurt people, and we all too have been hurt by others.  When people hurt us, or somebody cheats us or does something wrong to us, we keep a grudge against that person.

Out of the mistakes that we make, or those that others cause us, comes our pain, hurt, and resentment. This resentment escalates into hatred and builds into bitterness until it destroys relationships. It often leads us to isolation.  It also brings in negativity in life.

We carry that hurt with us all the time, and if it is very intense we may also relive it.  All this generates negative thoughts and emotion.  Feelings of resentment and bitterness against that person make us sad. Unconsciously this is what would be transmitted to the universe. According to the Law of attraction the universe will it throw it back to us?

The feelings of sadness or bitterness could also be against any event that life might have played on us in the past.  What was in past is already over and the universe is more concerned with what is happening in the present and the future.

When we do not want to forgive a person or an event, we hold a lot of clutter in our mind. Not forgiving someone or something takes a lot of our energy and generates negativity. Even a single negative thought attracts other negative feelings.  They crawl like ants one after the other.  So keeping this grudge in our hearts hurts only us and no one else.

Ultimately we are the sufferers if we hold a grudge against someone or something. The negative emotions weaken us.  Nothing happens to the other person because our thinking can affect only us and not the other person.

All the negative thought and emotions put obstacles in manifesting our desires.

Forgiving people and events bring peace into the mind.  Forgiveness resolves all of this negativity and complications. It frees you from the bondage of resentment and allows you to heal inside.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, “Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.”

But this not enough, the first person to be forgiven is you.  You may be having unresolved issues at the back of your mind that might be creating sadness.  It often leads to thinking that only if, I had done like this or if alone I had acted in a certain way or if only I had known the consequences of my actions or if I could turn back the clock and so on.  Every experience teaches us something, and it does not pay us well to dwell upon past mistakes. If you do not learn how to forgive yourself, you are setting yourself up for a lot of failure down the road. Non-forgiveness in itself is a limiting condition.

It is only you who can tear down such a roadblock.  Not forgiving yourself for the past mistakes or misdeeds leads to not feeling that you deserve more than what you have now in every aspect of your life be it relationships wealth or anything.

Now you must be wondering whether you can do so.

“Can I forgive people or things?”

The answer to that is a clear YES!

And the answer to when is  Now!

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

       Mostly we have grudges against people or things because we tend to judge.  The easiest way is to LET GO. Relinquishing the hold on initial personal judgment will allow you to let it go. Letting go will bring peace of mind and give you more positive energy.

      So, our mantra should be to forgive everyone and everything. If you let go of your judgments, you will start believing that nothing wrong and evil has been done to you and will help you in forgetting the past events.  You can start with a clean slate.  It will bring happiness in your life, and this is what you require to manifest your desires.

Hi friends
I thank all of you for visiting my blog making comments and helping me to make the blog successful.
I am back with a new article related to our everyday lives. Please give your comments after reading it.

Are you afraid?

      We all have fears small or big. Fear, as we know, exists at two levels. One is at the physical level which we see, feel and know from other people and our experience. For example, before crossing a busy road it is essential to be careful and look at both sides. There is a danger of being hit by vehicles, and the fear is genuine. Such a concern helps to keep us safe by alerting us to potentially dangerous situations.  If you are going alone late at night along a lonely street and two guys come across you from the opposite side, you may feel fear as to what kind of guys they may turn out to be which again is a genuine sense of the risk involved. You become alert. Such concerns need to be tackled carefully and help to protect us.

      Here I am talking about fears that exist in mind and do not allow us to fulfill our dreams. Worry can lead us to hide, to run away, or to freeze in our shoes. When fears begin to take over our lives and affect our functioning, they become a problem. If our fears feel overwhelming, the distress from the fear can interfere with our ability to function, and we may experience intense anxiety or nervousness.

There are many phobias, but here I am talking about fear in general. You may have a general fear of life or uncertainty of future. You might be afraid of a financial loss, and this may prevent you from taking a risk and not dare to leave the dissatisfying old job or implement a new business idea.

  

       A widespread fear that prevails in people feel is from society or what would people think. We are fearful that people may judge us in the wrong way. It may be stopping you from speaking up the right cause. It might prevent you from taking a stand or voice your opinions. It may also make you feel shy about public speaking.

      Another common fear is that of losing someone. You feel if you would say something or take some action it might spoil a relationship.

      The ultimate fear is the fear of death.

      These fears stop you from living fully the way you want.

      So the obvious question is, can you become fearless? 

      The answer to that is a resounding YES!

     It is crucial to understand what fear is to enable you overcome it. Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined. It can also be said to be the feeling or condition of being afraid.

     Some authors call it a ‘Fantasized Experience Appearing Real.’ Fear is not real. It exists only in our minds. We fear the future. We are afraid of something that might happen in future. We are not scared of what has happened in the past but of what may happen. We think about it and many times overthink it so that, the line separating the reality and imagination dissolves and it becomes our reality. It becomes challenging to differentiate between reality and illusion. There is a story about a Russian prisoner in the first half of the last century, who was sentenced ‘Hang to death.’ Russian scientists approached him and asked him if he would be a part of an experiment where he would die of a snake bite from a venomous snake that was shown to him. He agreed. He was blindfolded, and the forefinger of his leg was pinched with a needle instead of snake bite. Within a few seconds his body became blue, and bubbles & foam started coming out of his mouth just as would be in case of a real snake bite!  He died immediately.  It was only fear and the belief that he was bitten by snake bite killed him. Although the authenticity of this story is not confirmed, psychologists claim that people do develop symptoms of diseases, burns, and wounds out of fear.

      Fear can have a devastating effect on our lives.

      Sadhguru says, “Fear is simply because you are not living with life, you are living in your mind. Your fear is always about what’s going to happen next. That means your fear is always about that which does not exist. If your fear is about the non-existent, your fear is hundred percent imaginary. If you are suffering the non-existential, we call that insanity. So, people may be in just socially accepted levels of insanity, but if you’re afraid or if you’re suffering anything which does not exist, it amounts to insanity, isn’t it?”

Therefore, at the psychological level, fear limits you, puts boundaries, or creates walls around you. You are not able to make decisions. You remain under pressure, and you do not live life fully as you want.

What can you do about it? 

      As I said earlier, the first thing is to understand what the fear is about and the reason behind it.  An analysis of the situation will help you see what you are afraid of more clearly. Identify whether you are clinging to your fear because it is a part of who you are. To transcend your fear you must face it. Identify the cause of your anxiety. Become aware of the frightening pictures or sounds. Become an observer of what is happening inside you. If you do so half of your battle is already won.

      Find the root cause of fear. One little negative thought triggers the next and the next and so on.

    The next step is to start chasing the negative thoughts out and replace them with new and positive ones.  Though tackling the negative thoughts is not easy, but it is achievable. As soon as you detect a negative thought become aware of it and start thinking something else like about a baby, your favorite song or something good that happened to you. It is as if you do not like a program on TV, you change the channel.

   In your mind’s eye, see yourself fearless and the way you want yourself to be.  Practice being confident with your shoulders straight, chin up and a smile on your face.  There is a direct connection in your physiology and your state of mind. Visualization helps a lot in doing so.

  You might start seeing reality and overcome your fear.

  Sadhguru suggests that living in the present and not letting your mind imagine things will free you of fear.

  To handle the fear about how people would judge you, or would think about you, stop bothering about it. People see your situation from a different perspective. Try to show them your viewpoint. Listen to all but do what you think is appropriate.

  It is good to be fearful of financial loss because it will keep you careful. But that does not mean that you should not take risk. You must make a calculated risk. Plan out your way, develop your strategies and keep two or three backup plans. Then take a plunge.

We should gracefully accept mortality.  Learn to accept that death is a natural phenomenon.  We are a part of a great cycle through which we must go.

   A few strategies may help.

  

  Foremost take control of your life. Keep yourself active and engaged. Spend time with people you enjoy being around with. Learn something new. Keep challenging yourself. Stop doing things and jobs that dissatisfy you. Try to adopt some rituals in life. It does not matter if you are not religious. The rituals create a sense of meaning in life and give continuity to existence.  It could be as simple as taking a walk or lighting a candle or saying a small prayer.

   Put your focus on living well. Make efforts to remain healthy and positive. Plan your legacy.

     No fear exists that cannot be conquered.